*sighs*
My family just don't spend quality time together. We rarely go out together, but then again, I guess it's my fault for always staying at home. I can't help it, the internet! THE INTERNET! Well, that was before my sweetie came into my life. Now I stay home because of him. If we actually go on planned trips, I would definitely go. I don't like it when things just come up and I have to do something while I am already doing something else. I guess I don't like my "schedule" being interrupted. I guess maybe I shouldn't say that I am flexible with my schedule when finding a job. >.>
Not only us not spending time together, I feel that my parents don't understand me at all and they criticize me way too much. Whenever I do something, they have to say that I'm doing it wrong or that I do it way too much. >.> Like when I'm just making instant noodles, my dad gets mad at me for not boiling the noodles first, getting rid of the water and using new boiled water to put into the noodles. Why so picky, anyway? And why do they need to tell me all the time that I'm short and fat. Why do my dad always say that I all I can do is talk, talk, talk. That's not true. I can do a lot of things like many people in the world can. What does he want me to do? Instead of talk, should I kill? Huh? HUH?
Sorry, I got to calm down.
What's wrong with me talking to my boyfriend? Isn't communication important in a relationship? (Not that my family has any of that) My parents don't talk enough, in my opinion. They seem more like people who just live together, not a married couple. Well, the whole family seems like we are all living together with no connection to one another. Oh, except my brother and I. We are very close. Though, we keep to ourselves when necessary.
Yeah, I wanted to get a consellor so I went with Lyndon, the International Club president, and Michelle, who is a UBC student who helped out at the club booth during this summer semester's clubs day. Michelle gave me advice for my problem, among other things I rather keep secret from here. When I got home, I did ask my mom how her day was. She was so critical about it! Can you believe that? She said to ask my brother since he went with her during Take Your Kids to Work Day. But I said I wanted to hear it from her. She just said the usual, nothing happened. Even if it is boring to her, I may be interested in what she does! I barely know her, you know? She's just like a stranger! I don't even know what foods she likes or what her favourite movie is! And then I brought up the consellor thing saying we have family problems. And she have to say that they don't have problems, I have problems! I mean, seriously! Blaming it all on me, huh? They raised me, you know! They never told me any house rules! There is no curfew, no specific chores I need to do, no sex talk, no drug talk, no nothing ever since I was born! How should I know what I am allow to do and not allow to do!? I wish I have different parents! I never liked my culture. I rather just be Canadian! I don't want anyone to ask me if I'm Chinese! I'm not! I'M NOT!! I'm Canadian and I am proud to be one! I have never been to China, so I'm NOT Chinese. But what I do look like I'm Chinese??? Because BOTH my parents are from there! I hate my culture, I just hate it. If they were born here, things would be different. They wouldn't be so traditional!
Gosh, I just hate my family. Knowing about other families make me so sad. I just want to leave this jail cell of a house. I'm 19, but I am just so inexperience and naive. Finding a job is tough. I don't know much about money. I have to live under this roof! I've got no choice. I can't even run away... I have no one to go to if I do run away... I would be a bother, anyway.
Sure, the family problems is all our fault, but my mom is blaming it all on me.
No comments:
Post a Comment