20 more days.

Just today, it just hit me how close July 10th is. I'm getting very nervous! Just yesterday, we were saying it's just 3 weeks away, but just saying it's 20 more days away, it seems so much more closer. Why is that? It's only a day in difference and it's a different way to say it.

I'm so nervous I don't know what to do with myself. Daithi said that I should just be myself. I'm just worried I won't be able to be myself when he arrives. I probably will be so fidgety and looking down at the floor a lot.

Daithi said that I shouldn't plan anything and let things go by themselves. I can't help but try do as many things as we can because I don't know when we will see each in person again. I want to make the most of the visit, you know? He says that there will be other opportunities in the future, but we can't say for sure that is the case.

Ah... what to do? I failed at making a knitted hat. I wonder if I should try again?

It's getting hotter now. I wonder if it will be hotter 20 days from now?

23 more days

I can't believe that July 10th is this close now. I remembered when it was just 50, 100 even 365 days. I'm still really excited... and nervous. I want to start seriously planning the 3 weeks when we are together.

You know, I'm worried that I won't be able to act like myself when he's around. I may get so nervous that I can't even look at him. Even when I talk to him on webcam, it is embarrassing for me. I am a shy person, after all.

Lately, I've been waking up really late. My body just won't wake up early anymore even if I sleep earlier. I got to fix that before July. I need to be able to get to the airport before 11:15am, that is when his plane arrives. Huh... I should start getting ready for his arrival. Buy some things or clean up the house. Maybe make plans and call friends. But still... 23 days is still far away.

I really don't know what I'm doing this summer with my life. No work, no school. I feel so unaccomplished. I was suppose to learn to drive this summer, too, but I haven't looked at the manual, yet. Even LPing seems to be in a slump. I have no motivation to do anything, except watch videos and knitting. I should start learning how to knit a hat, you know, so I can make one for my boyfriend, but I need to get his measurements. So I'll get them when he comes over.

*sighs* What am I doing with my life, anyway?

Family Problems

For so long, ever since I was a kid, I never thought my family had any problems (I'm just talking about the four of us: mom, dad, Felix, and me). Who would have thought NOW would be the time to find out that I was wrong. (Now as in when I am 19)

*sighs*

My family just don't spend quality time together. We rarely go out together, but then again, I guess it's my fault for always staying at home. I can't help it, the internet! THE INTERNET! Well, that was before my sweetie came into my life. Now I stay home because of him. If we actually go on planned trips, I would definitely go. I don't like it when things just come up and I have to do something while I am already doing something else. I guess I don't like my "schedule" being interrupted. I guess maybe I shouldn't say that I am flexible with my schedule when finding a job. >.>

Not only us not spending time together, I feel that my parents don't understand me at all and they criticize me way too much. Whenever I do something, they have to say that I'm doing it wrong or that I do it way too much. >.> Like when I'm just making instant noodles, my dad gets mad at me for not boiling the noodles first, getting rid of the water and using new boiled water to put into the noodles. Why so picky, anyway? And why do they need to tell me all the time that I'm short and fat. Why do my dad always say that I all I can do is talk, talk, talk. That's not true. I can do a lot of things like many people in the world can. What does he want me to do? Instead of talk, should I kill? Huh? HUH?

Sorry, I got to calm down.

What's wrong with me talking to my boyfriend? Isn't communication important in a relationship? (Not that my family has any of that) My parents don't talk enough, in my opinion. They seem more like people who just live together, not a married couple. Well, the whole family seems like we are all living together with no connection to one another. Oh, except my brother and I. We are very close. Though, we keep to ourselves when necessary.

Yeah, I wanted to get a consellor so I went with Lyndon, the International Club president, and Michelle, who is a UBC student who helped out at the club booth during this summer semester's clubs day. Michelle gave me advice for my problem, among other things I rather keep secret from here. When I got home, I did ask my mom how her day was. She was so critical about it! Can you believe that? She said to ask my brother since he went with her during Take Your Kids to Work Day. But I said I wanted to hear it from her. She just said the usual, nothing happened. Even if it is boring to her, I may be interested in what she does! I barely know her, you know? She's just like a stranger! I don't even know what foods she likes or what her favourite movie is! And then I brought up the consellor thing saying we have family problems. And she have to say that they don't have problems, I have problems! I mean, seriously! Blaming it all on me, huh? They raised me, you know! They never told me any house rules! There is no curfew, no specific chores I need to do, no sex talk, no drug talk, no nothing ever since I was born! How should I know what I am allow to do and not allow to do!? I wish I have different parents! I never liked my culture. I rather just be Canadian! I don't want anyone to ask me if I'm Chinese! I'm not! I'M NOT!! I'm Canadian and I am proud to be one! I have never been to China, so I'm NOT Chinese. But what I do look like I'm Chinese??? Because BOTH my parents are from there! I hate my culture, I just hate it. If they were born here, things would be different. They wouldn't be so traditional!

Gosh, I just hate my family. Knowing about other families make me so sad. I just want to leave this jail cell of a house. I'm 19, but I am just so inexperience and naive. Finding a job is tough. I don't know much about money. I have to live under this roof! I've got no choice. I can't even run away... I have no one to go to if I do run away... I would be a bother, anyway.

Sure, the family problems is all our fault, but my mom is blaming it all on me.

E3

I know this isn't on topic, as it really has nothing to do with our relationship or anything, but it's on my mind, and I figured if it's on my mind, I should post about it.

The E3 press conferences begin today, and, as usual, I'm finding it hard to contain my excitement. I'm really interested to see how Sony address the whole PSN fiasco, and can't wait to see if they can make the NGP succeed where the PSP failed, and actually deliver a killer lineup of games. I'm already excited for the NGP entry into the Uncharted series, and I can't wait for more games with similar weight behind them to be announced for the system. I also want to see some games that'll actually sell the Move to me. So far, the only game I'm actually excited for that's made specifically for the Move is that Sorcery game they showed at last years E3, and I've heard nothing about it since. It reminds me so much of the old PS2 Harry Potter games that I have such a fond memory of, and I really hope that it'll actually be released. But, other than that, I really hope that some really cool Move games get announced, or at least some really high end titles get announced with Move support as an option. All in all, Sony's press conference should be a solid one though, as there are a lot of PS3 exclusives that they can give more info on.

Microsoft's press conference is a mystery. All that's really known about it is that there'll be more Kinect stuff there, and, well, to be honest, Microsoft haven't really sold me on the Kinect yet. I guess all I can do is reserve judgement for the time being, as really, I have no hopes or expectations from Microsoft at all, so I guess my opinion on their press conference is going to be the most objective one once the day is done.

EA and Ubisoft have their press conferences today aswell, and, to be honest, they don't interest me as much as the big 3's conferences. All I'm looking forward to from EA is more Mass Effect 3 stuff, and all I'm looking forward to from Ubisoft is some more Beyond Good & Evil 2 (Which had better be there this year, or I'll be very very angry)

Then, tomorrow, we have Nintendo's press conference, and really, what can I say that hasn't already been said? They're going to be showing off the Wii's successor (Which I refuse to call 'Project Café' because we all know that that's not what Nintendo have EVER called it) and, we really don't know anything about it. Sure, rumors have been circulating, but I am of the opinion that none of it is true. Nintendo seem to be very very good at keeping these things secret, so I have no idea what to expect. I just really hope that the graphics will be better than anything we've already sen in this generation of consoles. Nintendo have never been known to have the best graphics in any generation, but since this is a new generation of consoles, the standard hasn't been set yet, and I really hope Nintendo set the bar high so the competition will have to work hard to beat them. As for the controller for this new system... I know that Nintendo always know what they're doing in this regard, and I trust them, but I honestly have no idea what they'll come out with. But Nintendo have far more than their new console to show off, they also have 3DS games to announce (That Mario game has really got me curious) and I'm sure they have plenty of stuff to give the Wii and DS one last hoorah. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that this is certainly my most anticipated press conference of E3.

But E3 doesn't end at the press conferences, and there are a few choice titles that I want to see info on from the floor. The guys at Mojang (They made Minecraft) will be there, and I wonder if a Trailer or something will be released for the full release of the game. I'm really curious to see what Atlus have in store for us too, as I'm highly anticipating Catherine, and I hope that they announce more stuff there too. Level 5 have a couple of games in Japan, or at least announced in Japan, that have yet be announced in English, and the same goes for Capcom (I want AAI2 DAMMIT!). Sega also have a bunch of games to talk about, but, of course, I'm only really interested in Sonic Generations (And any other Sonic-related announcements that come with it). I'm kind of sad that Valve won't be there, but I'm sure they'll come out with something soon... or at least 'soon' in Valve-time.

So yeah, I'm going to be posting on Twitter any opinions I have as things are announced, even though I'm sure none of you really care what I may think about these announcements, but hey, in case there may be a small percentage of you who do care, you can follow me on twitter here.

See ya 'round
-Dáithi

In Reply to my Sweetie

Oh, my sweet Dáithi. I can understand where you are coming from, and I can't blame you for worrying about how I will be towards. Of course, I can't say that I won't behave differently when we are together this July. I can't predict the future. All I can say is "don't worry. I love you with all my heart and nothing is going to change that". If I do behave differently than what you are used to, please tell me. There may be a reason for that, like I may feel so happy inside that I don't know what to do and so I stop acting like myself. Just promise me this: be yourself. Even if you don't think being yourself will help. If you stop being yourself, I will think that the person that I love is gone, and that would make me very upset.

It's true that no one in my life accepts you, yet, but you still have a chance to make an impression. And even if it doesn't go well with my family, you shouldn't lose hope. We will find a way to accept you and maybe one day, accept you into the family. <3

Felix is definitely a nice guy. I see him chatting on MSN or Facebook, listening to his friends' rants and problems. He may not reply much, but he tries to understand people. I don't think Felix is the jealous type at all. I know I get more jealous than him. Can you believe I got jealous of other people when my brother starts clinging to them and not me? I do plan on all 3 of us to play some video games. Just make sure to bring 2 GameCube controllers. Why 2? Just in case a 4th person comes along.

I don't think you sounded like an... um, the a-word, at all. Could you give me an example or two when we talk the next time? I'm very appreciative of all the help and advice I am getting. However, it's still up to us to decide on how our relationship will go. Even if you do say the wrong things at the wrong time, I will tell them that you're not comfortable around lots of people, and they will understand. Of course, not everyone in the world is going to like someone. As long as there is someone out there who does, and YOU have that someone. Me. <3 Even if no one accepts you, just remember that I accept you and I love you.

I hope to read something more lighter the next time you post, okay? Just reading your inner thoughts and feelings is so much different than just talking to you. I like this change. :)

~Alice

Getting Nervous

So, it's coming really close to the time that Alice and I will meet for the first time... and... to be honest I'm starting to worry a little. I'm worried that Alice won't look at me the same way as she does when we speak on webcam. I'm worried that she won't speak to me the same way she does every day on Skype. I'm worried that my strange antics will be less charming and more off-putting to her. But, at the end of the day I love her, and I guess all I can do is love her and be myself.

Even if she accepts me though, there are still a lot of other things that are troubling my mind at the moment. I mean, there are other people in her life, and it would be crushing if they didn't accept me too. Her parents have already made it a point to say that they don't trust me (although I am thankful that they were kind enough to allow me to stay at their house for my trip), and I don't know if I will be able to build up their trust in me. At least her brother is reserving judgement for the time being though.

I really hope that he likes me too. I mean, he seems like a really nice guy, and I'm sure we'll get on well, but I always have this thought in the back of my mind that he hates me for taking his sister away from him, and that's the last thing I want him to think. Maybe all 3 of us can play some Mario Kart together and he'll grow to like me... maybe.

And then there's Alice's friends... they have been there for Alice to give her advice, and haven't really talked to me at all... Alice has passed on some comments I've made to them, but that's about it... and, well, to be honest, I think the things I said make me sound like an asshole, and I'm not convinced that me coming over and talking to them is going to make them think any different... I have a nasty habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and I just really hope I don't end up doing that when I meet them.

Well... that was depressing... on a lighter note, I genuinely am looking forward to spending some time with the woman I love and just doing random things. Soooo... anyway, that's all that was on mah mind right now. I'll post more soon ;)

See ya 'round
- Dáithi

35 more days...

...until we are finally together. <3 I can't wait for July 10th to come! It's gonna be amazing when I see him at the airport. The first thing I'm gonna do is run and hug him. I may cry, as well. I wonder if I will be able to record our first meeting. It is gonna be something that only happens once.

Apparently, the Vancouver airport have a lot of stores and a food court. We're gonna explore the place, yes? Grab something to drink, too. Ah, I can't wait! *excited*

~Alice

YAYZ!

First!